Chapter 43

Han Fangchi's most direct feeling at this moment was that, in fact, he wasn't that "unhurried" either.

Han Fangchi went to wash his hands, then came to the kitchen and asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

"No, don't get your hands dirty." He Lezhi looked back at him. "Aren't you going to change?"

"I'll go change then," Han Fangchi said.

After changing his clothes, he leaned against the kitchen refrigerator. He used to always stand here. He Lezhi said, "You can just go sit down."

"I just want to stand here," Han Fangchi said, looking at him.

Before, He Lezhi didn't feel anything when he stood here. Now, with him standing behind him again, He Lezhi felt as if he could sense his gaze, constantly getting distracted and wanting to look back to confirm, but he couldn't.

He Lezhi poured the minced garlic into the pot, followed by the prepared sauce.

The area around the stove where the shrimp had been fried was splattered with little oil droplets. He Lezhi was always wiping it clean in between cooking steps. Han Fangchi saw him turn his head and look around, and he knew what he was looking for.

Han Fangchi walked over, opened the sliding cabinet door above, and accidentally brushed against He Lezhi's ear as he bent his arm.

He Lezhi dodged to the side.

"Did I startle you?" Han Fangchi took out a new pack of kitchen wet wipes and placed it beside him.

"It's nothing," He Lezhi said, rubbing his ear with his shoulder.

Han Fangchi looked at his ear. He Lezhi's earlobes were small and round, looking quite fun. Han Fangchi remembered they had talked about this during their first year of high school when they were deskmates. He Lezhi had said his own ears looked hard, and he had said He Lezhi's earlobes were round.

Back then, He Lezhi had even pressed down on the helix of his ear and said with a laugh, "Doesn't it hurt your ear when you sleep?"

Han Fangchi's ears did indeed get sore from lying on his side for too long. The two silly boys had talked about ears for half the day back then.

Just now, when Han Fangchi was leaning against the refrigerator, he was standing behind He Lezhi. After he moved, he was now diagonally behind him. Standing here and looking at He Lezhi's ear made his gaze very obvious.

"Would you mind moving?" He Lezhi finally said.

Han Fangchi hummed in agreement. "Where to?"

"Go sit outside." He Lezhi gestured with his chin. "Don't stay in the kitchen."

Han Fangchi was cooperative. He turned and went out, sitting down at the dining table.

He Lezhi felt a sense of relief. The awareness of each other's presence was too intense when they were close now.

After dinner, He Lezhi stayed until almost eight o'clock, then picked up his bag and said he was leaving.

Han Fangchi stood up with him and went to empty the kitchen trash can.

He Lezhi stood waiting at the door. When Han Fangchi came over, he reached out to take the trash, but saw Han Fangchi pocket his phone and put on his shoes.

"Are you going out?" He Lezhi asked in surprise.

"Aren't you going home?" Han Fangchi held the trash in one hand and motioned for him to open the door.

"You're coming too?" He Lezhi confirmed.

Han Fangchi looked at him as if it were a matter of course.

He Lezhi pointed at his phone screen. "It's eight o'clock."

Han Fangchi seemed to want to say something but held back.

He Lezhi closed the door and continued to look at him.

"Didn't I say it?" Han Fangchi pressed the elevator button. "I want to spend more time with you."

The elevator arrived. Han Fangchi stepped in, and He Lezhi had no choice but to follow.

The few hundred meters between their two apartments wasn't long, but it could also feel like half a day's walk.

Neither of them walked fast. In the early summer weather, a cool evening breeze blew against them, and the air carried the faint, intermittent scent of flowers.

It was the season again when He Lezhi could go for a run every day and go out to play whenever he wanted. As soon as spring and summer arrived, it was as if he had boundless energy. His eyes would be especially bright after every workout, his whole body radiating heat.

The two apartment complexes were separated by a street. As they crossed, He Lezhi was on the left. When a car's headlights shone over, he subconsciously raised his right hand to shield Han Fangchi. He wasn't wearing his glasses and couldn't see clearly; the car was actually still quite far away.

Han Fangchi supported his raised elbow and guided him across.

He Lezhi's arm was slightly cool, while Han Fangchi's hand was warm. The temperature difference magnified the sensation of the simple touch, which was then slowly carried away by the wind after he let go.

...

When He Lezhi arrived at He Qi's house with the ice cream, the class on the second floor had just finished.

The visually impaired girl felt her way down the stairs step by step, holding the handrail. He Lezhi watched her from below and reminded her in a gentle voice, "Be careful."

"Hello, big brother," the girl said with a smile.

"I heard you singing just now. You've made a lot of progress." He Lezhi smiled. "Teacher He sounded very gentle today too."

"Yes!" the girl said quietly. "She kept praising me today. I felt like I was about to fly."

He Lezhi watched her walk to the sofa and sit down on her own. He handed her a carton of ice cream. The girl took it and held it in her hands without eating.

"Should I open it for you?" He Lezhi asked softly.

The girl then held it out to him. He Lezhi unwrapped the package and placed the ice cream and spoon in her two hands separately.

"Thank you, big brother," the girl said, a little shyly.

"You're welcome," He Lezhi said.

He Qi made time every week to give the girl lessons at home, free of charge, but she was very strict with her critiques. Many of He Qi's students from school achieved impressive scores on their art college entrance exams each year, but now only this girl still had the privilege of private lessons at home.

When her parent came to pick her up, the girl hadn't finished her ice cream. He Qi was upstairs on the phone and hadn't come down yet. He Lezhi walked them to the door. The parent, a simple-looking auntie who might not have been old but looked weathered by life, spoke to him politely.

When He Qi came down, He Lezhi handed her the ice cream and said, "Thank you for your hard work, teacher."

"It was very hard. I have one more class. Want to come with me? We can eat out right after," He Qi said.

"Sure," He Lezhi said.

He Lezhi wasn't going back tonight, and Han Fangchi had gone out for dinner with friends.

For a while now, they didn't feel the need to meet every single day. They each still had their own space. It was just that whenever they went a day or two without seeing each other, they would definitely spend a bit more time together when they next met.

He Lezhi almost never refused such requests from Han Fangchi. He was already a very tolerant person by nature, and Han Fangchi never made excessive demands. He Lezhi would always satisfy those small, prickly requests like "stay a little longer," "call me," and "I want to see you tomorrow."

But actually, before He Lezhi's first relationship, during those two years when Zhou Muyao had tried and failed to start one with him, he hadn't been this easygoing. He was, in essence, a guarded person who maintained clear boundaries. Back then, he didn't allow Zhou Muyao to cross his boundaries bit by bit; his indulgence only began after they got together.

His different treatment of Han Fangchi now was perhaps because Han Fangchi was already within his circle of tolerance before all of this became complicated. Or perhaps it was because they understood each other well enough. In Han Fangchi's eyes, He Lezhi was almost transparent. Han Fangchi knew where his boundaries were and how to interact with him to make him comfortable.

"Is something on your mind lately?"

That evening, He Qi and He Lezhi were each holding a small half of a watermelon and eating it with a spoon. He Qi asked after seeing him stare into space for a long time after replying to a message.

He Lezhi looked at her, then continued eating his watermelon without answering.

He Qi didn't press him. She had a piece of paper on her lap to spit out the watermelon seeds while scrolling through videos with her free hand.

After a long while, He Lezhi called out to her.

He Qi closed the video app. "Hmm?"

"Fangchi and I," He Lezhi paused, then continued, "our relationship is a bit difficult right now."

He Qi looked at him. "Difficult in what way?"

"He wants to be in a relationship," He Lezhi said, taking a deep breath.

It took He Qi a few seconds to process it. She confirmed, "With you?"

He Lezhi nodded.

He Qi stopped eating her watermelon. After a moment, she asked, "You've gotten into trouble, haven't you?"

He Lezhi closed his eyes and nodded again.

He Qi reached over, patted the back of his head, and said, "Indeed, you have."

He Qi had never once blamed He Lezhi for his sexual orientation. In her eyes, it wasn't his fault. But she wasn't in a position to be tolerant on behalf of others. In most families, homosexuality was still a topic that made people's faces change as soon as it was brought up, something harder to accept than a child's unhappy marriage. In the current social climate, it still represented "abnormality," and for a child who had been outstanding his whole life, its "destructive nature" might be even stronger.

It was impossible for He Qi to recklessly urge He Lezhi to ignore everything, as if she were defending her own child. She also never interfered with He Lezhi's decisions.

"So what are you thinking?" He Qi asked.

He Lezhi thought for a moment, gave a wry smile, and said, "Well... it's difficult."

"Do you like him?" He Qi asked directly.

He Lezhi looked over at her, and under He Qi's penetrating gaze, he nodded.

He Qi sighed internally and rubbed the back of his head again.

None of He Lezhi's various considerations were about himself. In his view, all the difficulties lay with Han Fangchi. The things attached to their feelings, the external baggage, were too heavy.

"Do you need my opinion?" He Qi asked softly.

He Lezhi was silent for a while, then shook his head.

He Qi smiled and asked him, "You've made up your mind?"

He Lezhi didn't say anything.

He Qi smiled and asked him, "Was your first thought that you were afraid I'd push you together, or that I'd push you apart?"

He Lezhi still didn't speak, just smiled back at He Qi with the frankness of someone who had been seen through.

He Qi smiled, continued eating her watermelon, and finally said to him, "Trust yourself."

Trust what?

Trust that he could make the right decision? Trust that he wouldn't regret this decision in the future? Or trust that he could securely support someone else's future and give him a good, happy life?

He Lezhi left He Qi's house after lunch on Sunday. On his way out, he stopped by the fruit shop at the community entrance and bought two tiny watermelons. The one they ate last night was exceptionally sweet, with a taste reminiscent of the watermelons from his childhood.

The two of them had only spoken on the phone that morning when Han Fangchi had just woken up. He had said he had a seminar that morning, and they hadn't contacted each other since.

He Lezhi dropped his car off first, then carried the watermelons over to Han Fangchi's place.

He thought Han Fangchi wasn't home, but when he opened the door, he saw that Han Fangchi's slippers weren't by the entrance. He changed his shoes and came in to find Han Fangchi lying on the sofa, his arm covering his forehead.

He Lezhi was a little surprised. He put the watermelons on the floor and walked over quietly. Han Fangchi didn't like to lie down outside of his rest time. Even in school, he disliked napping. Sleeping during the day gave him a sense of temporal dislocation, making him feel unsettled for the first few minutes after waking up. Although he would nap at noon sometimes after he started working, it was almost impossible for him to sleep at home on a day off like this.

He Lezhi came to his side and bent down to look at him.

Han Fangchi's arm wasn't covering his eyes. They were peacefully closed, his eyelashes long. He had a very traditional, handsome face, with a high nose bridge and brow bones, a sharp profile, and dark eyebrows and lashes. He Lezhi remembered seeing him at the hospital; even with only his nose bridge, eyes, and forehead visible above his mask, he was still an incredibly handsome doctor.

At this moment, however, He Lezhi wasn't focused on his looks but was a little worried. He wouldn't just fall asleep during the day for no reason.

He Lezhi wanted to touch his forehead to check his temperature, but it was blocked by Han Fangchi's arm, and he didn't dare to touch him rashly, afraid of startling him if he was asleep.

When Han Fangchi opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was He Lezhi intently tracing the lines of his eyes.

He Lezhi was wearing a white short-sleeved T-shirt. Because he was leaning over, the loose fabric drooped down, and the curve of his neck was visible below the collar. His eyes already had a very gentle shape, and without his glasses, the full line of his nose was exposed, the bridge slightly prominent. The bright room seemed to wrap him in a warm color.

Han Fangchi stared at him from the moment he opened his eyes, not moving, unsure if he was awake or still in a dream.

"Fangchi?" He Lezhi asked him, "What's wrong?"

Han Fangchi didn't speak.

"Are you feeling sick?" He Lezhi asked again.

In the disoriented state of just having woken up, He Lezhi remained steadily in Han Fangchi's line of sight.

Han Fangchi's gaze slowly moved from He Lezhi's eyes to his chin, then back to his eyes.

When he spoke, his voice was still a bit low from not being fully awake.

"Can I have a hug?"

He Lezhi hadn't expected him to say something like that after waiting for so long. He didn't react for a moment, frozen in place.

They were both silent for a short while. Han Fangchi removed his arm and sat up.

"I'm still groggy from sleep—"

"Okay." The two spoke at almost the same time. He Lezhi cleared his throat. "Go on and hug me."

He raised one arm, wrapped it around Han Fangchi's neck, and leaned over.

He smelled of fresh soap and had the non-feverish body heat of early summer. His other hand came around as well, pulling Han Fangchi into a full embrace.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked by Han Fangchi's ear. "Are you not feeling well?"