Chapter 26 Part 1

The first month of the new year came to an end in the blink of an eye.

On January 21st, it snowed heavily in Liang City.

Song Ran walked out of the hospital holding a large black umbrella. Her snow boots crunched on the fluffy layer of snow. She walked to the roadside and stopped. The coming and going crowds and vehicles had pressed dark, muddy tracks into the snow—ugly and damp, just like her mood at that moment.

She looked up at the sky. Through the edge of her black umbrella, snowflakes danced wildly in the air against a vast, grayish-white sky. She felt a little desperate, yet also somewhat relieved.

In her pocket was the doctor's diagnosis: severe depression.

Song Ran didn't tell anyone—not her parents, relatives, friends, or even her colleagues.

She went to work and returned home as usual, taking antidepressants during the day to stabilize her mood and sleeping pills at night to fall asleep.

Soon, her attending physician, Doctor Liang, discovered that her condition had not improved at all.

Doctor Liang asked her, "Does your family know? You can't bear an illness alone; you need the help of your family and friends."

Song Ran shook her head.

"You haven't told anyone?"

"I can't bring myself to say it."

"Why?"

"They'll be very disappointed in me." Her father had always wanted her to be stronger, while her mother always blamed her for being too weak.

"Many patients encounter this situation; they find it hardest to open up to those closest to them. But even if you don't want to tell your family, you should find a friend to talk to, to relieve some of the pressure."

"I don't know who to talk to," Song Ran said. "Sometimes, I wonder if this is all a dream. Only I am dreaming, while everyone else in the world is wide awake. Can there be true empathy? If you didn't see them die with your own eyes, you wouldn't understand. I don't want to be like Sister Xianglin, repeatedly baring my heart for others to see, only for them to say, 'It's not that big of a deal, it doesn't look that painful. You're so fragile, just be stronger.'"

"But Ran Ran," the doctor said softly, "it's okay to be fragile. Humans are fragile creatures."

After seeing the psychologist that day, Song Ran went back to her father's house.

With her hands tucked into her down jacket, she hesitated for a long time before going upstairs. Song Ran didn't say much, just silently placed the diagnosis on the coffee table.

Song Zhicheng stared at the paper, silent for a long time. He had heard that many young people suffered from this illness nowadays, but like most parents, he didn't know how to handle it.

"What did the doctor say?"

"Regular consultations, take the medication on time, and stay away from triggers."

"What does 'triggers' mean?"

"Some of the negative emotions from work."

Song Zhicheng's brows furrowed tightly. He asked, "Are you unhappy at work?"

Song Ran didn't know how to answer. She rubbed her eyes and said, "No."

"Did the doctor prescribe medication?"

"Mhm."

"Then take your medication on time."

"Mhm."

Song Zhicheng found the situation difficult and didn't know how to deal with it. He sat silently for a while, then got up and went to the balcony to smoke.

The kettle whistled in the kitchen, and Yang Huilun went to pour the water.

Song Yang rushed forward and grabbed Song Ran's hand. "Sis, it's okay. It's just an illness, you'll get better. How about I come stay with you for a while?"

Yang Huilun immediately scolded her from the kitchen, "Don't even think about moving out! You think you can fool around with Lu Tao just because no one's watching you? His family looks down on you so much, yet you're still throwing yourself at him!"

"What are you thinking?! I'm just trying to do what's best for my sister," Song Yang yelled.

"Bullshit, you think I don't know what you're really thinking? You want to move out so no one can control you? Not a chance!"

They were arguing in the kitchen, and her father was smoking on the balcony.

In the small living room, only Song Ran was left.

However, she hadn't expected them to help in the first place. Just by telling them, at least she no longer had to pretend that nothing was wrong in front of them.

...

The new year came especially late this year; the Spring Festival didn't arrive until February.

Spending the New Year in Liang City was bound to be chaotic, and with the drama surrounding Song Yang and her boyfriend turning the house upside down, Song Ran went to Di City on New Year's Eve to spend the holiday with her mother.

The temperature in Di City was over ten degrees below zero, but wearing a sweater, thermal underwear, and a down jacket, Song Ran was surprised to find the city wasn't too cold. The weather, however, was still bad. Sitting in Ran Yuwei's car, she looked at the smog-shrouded streetlights and couldn't help but feel that something was wrong with her eyes again.

The day before New Year's Eve, Ran Yuwei took her for an eye check-up, saying she didn't trust the medical skills in Liang City.

The ophthalmologist's surname was He. He was about twenty-seven or twenty-eight, with delicate features. His movements were gentle as he examined her, his voice was clear and mild, and his eyes curved when he smiled.

Song Ran met his gaze and inexplicably felt that he had a similar temperament to Li Zan. This caused her to be well-behaved and silent throughout the entire examination.

Doctor He smiled. "My mother is friends with Auntie Ran. You don't have to be so formal."

Song Ran nodded. "I'm not being formal."

Hearing this, he laughed again.

Song Ran obediently finished the check-up. Doctor He said there were no major problems at the moment, but she shouldn't overuse her eyes. She should take care to protect them and avoid getting injured again.

On the way home, Ran Yuwei suddenly asked, "What do you think of Doctor He?"

Song Ran didn't register the question at first. "What?"

"He's from Di City University, on a combined master's-doctoral program. His mother is the director of the department next to mine. He comes from a good family and is an outstanding young man. He also loves to read books, especially literature and history. I'm guessing he's your type."

Song Ran turned her head to look out the window. "I don't feel anything."

Ran Yuwei: "What type of guy do you have feelings for? I'll help you find one."

Song Ran said, "Matters of the heart depend on fate. Searching is useless."

Ran Yuwei asked, "So the one you found yourself was fated?"

Song Ran was quiet for two seconds, then turned back. "What do you mean by that?"

"When you were assigned to Dongguo, a certain peacekeeper often appeared in your shots." A mother's intuition was incredibly sharp. "It's been four or five months since you came back. Look at yourself, have you made any achievements at work during this time? You're absent-minded all day long. What, has fate run its course?"

A sharp pain pierced Song Ran's heart. She forced herself to close her eyes, not wanting to argue with her.

Ran Yuwei continued, "Since you've committed to being a reporter, then do it well. Seeking opportunities to develop your career domestically is the same principle; don't let your emotions get in the way. There are many promising talents in this profession, but very few become famous reporters. I've seen too many. Now is the time to strike while the iron is hot. But you? I don't know what's going on in that head of yours. It's been almost half a year and you've accomplished nothing. I told you to come to Di City, but you wouldn't. Is it because that peacekeeper is in Liang City? You've been sensitive and emotional since you were a child. I was always afraid you'd let love ruin your future, and now, my worst fears have come true. Let me tell you, I will absolutely not allow you to degenerate like this."

Song Ran opened her eyes and said, "Whether I'm in a relationship or not, who I'm with, whether I come to Di City, how I develop my career—that's my business. Can you please not interfere?"

Ran Yuwei let out a laugh. "A little bit of fame, and your temper has gotten much harder."

The emotions Song Ran had been desperately suppressing were so easily ignited. Her eyes turned red as she said, word by word, "Why are your words always so harsh? Why do you never care about other people's feelings!"

"How else am I supposed to care about your feelings? Are you still a child? What did I say to you that set you off like this? You give me that long face all day, what do I owe you? Did something happen that made you come here to vent your anger on me? I worry about your career, your health, I try everything I can think of for your own good, and you?!"

"Fine. Let's not say any more. I was wrong." Song Ran raised her hands in surrender, turning her head away to cover her eyes as tears rolled uncontrollably down her face.

Ran Yuwei: "You..."

"Stop talking!" Song Ran screamed.

The car fell abruptly silent.

She had never lost control like this before. Ran Yuwei's face was cold, but she didn't say another word.

When they got home, they each went to their own rooms. But Ran Yuwei sensed something was wrong and made a phone call to Song Zhicheng.

In the quiet night, Song Ran could hear her parents arguing through two closed doors. Ran Yuwei blamed Song Zhicheng for Song Ran's illness—he was the one who had allowed her to go to Dongguo in the first place.

Song Ran sat on the bay window. Outside was the brilliant winter night of Di City. The darkness was like a great net, tightly enveloping the city.

If the window opened a little wider, perhaps she would jump, just so she wouldn't have to hear their arguing anymore.

But she wouldn't jump. She just quietly drew the curtains, took a sleeping pill, and fell asleep.

...

The day before New Year's Eve, the temperature in Liang City dropped again. The air was bitingly cold, chilling one to the bone.

Li Zan went to his dorm to pack his things. He had deliberately chosen this day because there were fewer people in the unit; he didn't want to say goodbye.

He didn't have many things.

Other than a few sets of military uniforms, rank insignia, and emblems, plus a few books, there was nothing else.

The winters in Liang City were damp and cold. It had been overcast for the past few days, and a dim, dreary light filled the dormitory. Even the usually vibrant army green seemed to have dulled. On his bed, the quilt was folded into a perfect "tofu block."

Li Zan glanced back one last time before he left, and locked the door.

In the hallway, a shadow fell across his path. It was Chen Feng. He knew Li Zan would choose today to leave the unit.

He knew better than anyone how proud this kid was. Having fallen to such a state, he surely wouldn't want anyone to see him, not even his closest comrades.

Chen Feng still remembered when Li Zan had first entered the military academy. An eighteen-year-old cadet, he had a youthful face, an even temper, and a gentle personality, greeting everyone with a shy smile. Back then, he thought Li Zan wasn't suited for military life, but he never expected the kid to be so resilient and such a quick, intelligent learner. He was upstanding in character, honest and open-hearted. His personality was mild, but deep down, he had a powerful drive, with his own pursuits and ideals.

Later on, he became certain that this kid would achieve great things in the future.

At the time, he had been reluctant to let Li Zan go to Dongguo. He approved the assignment simply thinking Li Zan could easily earn some merits and get a promotion upon his return. And what happened? He earned a first-class merit, but...

Nearly five months had passed since the explosion last year. Every conceivable treatment had been tried. Li Zan's body had recovered, but the problem with his ears remained unsolved.

In a sense, he was a disabled person.

When Chen Feng thought of this, his heart sank. He too was afraid that this kid no longer had a future.

But he quickly dismissed this ominous thought, walked up, and put a hand on Li Zan's shoulder. "Your file will be reviewed after the new year. Ah Zan, if you're willing, I can try to find a way, get you a position in the unit as a..."

"Instructor," Li Zan interrupted him softly. "My dad is here to pick me up. He's waiting at the gate. I'll go now."

Chen Feng was at a loss for words. He knew his personality; every extra day spent here was agony.

He patted his shoulder. "If you run into any trouble in the future, remember to come find your old instructor."

Li Zan gave a gentle smile. "I know."

With his military bag on his back, Li Zan walked out of the dormitory. He crossed the training ground where he had trained countless times without looking to the side, but as he reached the main gate, he slowed his pace—his comrades, in full uniform, were standing in two lines at attention to see him off.

He pressed his lips together, gave a faint smile, and walked between them.

"Salute!"

With a sharp shua, his comrades all saluted in unison.

Li Zan walked through the lines of soldiers. When he reached the end, he turned around, stood at attention, and returned the salute.

Once outside the gate, Father Li came forward to take his luggage.

Li Zan got into the passenger seat, buckled his seatbelt, and turned to give his instructor and comrades a smile, waving goodbye.